its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
