I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
