im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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