i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
