hotel room ftw
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
