he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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