Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
