Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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