About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
