While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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