im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
