the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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