my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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