so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
