butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
it was like eating out sand paper
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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