I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
