awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Farmville is her only friend.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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