This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
