no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
