I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
