The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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