the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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