Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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