Buhtt sex?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Someone came in the potted fern
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
