So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
