This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
