why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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