why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
