She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
