Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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