Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
