We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
