Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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