I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
