By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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