Sponge bath it is.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
