Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I am one with the molecules
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
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