I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
