I want to make a zoo with you.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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