I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize