remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
