i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
