wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
