Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
