'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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