a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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