I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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