The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
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