What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
