R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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