Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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