im drinking this country out of the recession.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
