so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
