Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
