can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
