i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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