Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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