Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Life is so much better after having sex.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
They have beer where we have blood.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Dear god my vagina.
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