I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
