remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
