I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You're a waste of cheezeits
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
