So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'm always down for nudity.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
